Bad Habits (5)
By the time I realized I was addicted, snorting OxyContin was part of my daily routine. Instead of having to do 20mg to get off I had to do 80mg. I was stealing at least $100.00 per day from my grandparents at the family business. I needed something stronger because college was about to start and I couldn’t afford to be sick. Just as that thought ran through my mind, I was introduced to heroin. At $20 or $30 per bag it was a cheap, potent, alternative to OxyContin.
I would stop at nothing to get high. My dealer and I would travel to North Philadelphia on our days off to pick up heroin to distribute to pay for our habits. We bought bags for $10/each and then would distrubite them at three times their value. On days where we ran out, I would steal money and buy OxyContin or whatever I could get my hands on to avoid being sick. I somehow managed to get through another semester of college. By the end of it, I knew that I needed to leave or I was going to die. I moved to the state of New Jersey in hopes of getting my life together. On the way there, I got so sick that my family was frantic just watching me. I swore that I would never do heroin again.
After two weeks I thought I had beat my addiction and decided to go home and confront it. I was home for four hours and relapsed. The next two weeks I was on a heroin binge, snorting bag after bag until I couldn’t function anymore. I walked through life in a daze and nothing affected me. It was as if heroin had shut off all my emotions – I was numb. I was staying with my parents at the time and they gave me another ultimatum. I could either quit using or leave. I had no money so I took my car and drove to my grandparents. I robbed them and when I came out I realized that my parents had followed me and taken my keys. After a struggle to get the keys back, they put me in the car and tried to drive me home. When we got close to my dealers, we were at a red light and I hopped out of the car and ran. My parents called telling me to never come home but I didn’t care; I just wanted to get high. I did so much heroin that night that subliminally I think I was hoping that I would just die. I didn’t care about myself or anyone else. I fell asleep on a mattress and woke up the next day with only one thought in my head, “I can’t live like this anymore.”
posted by E. Catton @ 7:24 AM
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